While Led Zeppelin undoubtedly elevated music to new heights, their journey was not always smooth. At times, the band was divided geographically and culturally. It was with West Midlands natives Robert Plant and John Bonham on one side and big city boys Jimmy Page and John Paul Jones on the opposite. The song ‘Royal Orleans‘ from their 1976 album Presence exemplified these cultural fault lines.
The track is credited to all four band members. But it still leaves a sour taste in bassist Jones’ mouth. He also believes its mocking lyrical angle was a manifestation of frontman Plant’s homophobic nature in his younger days, which the Londoner attributes to his sheltered upbringing in the West Midlands.
The story behind the song, which, like most anecdotes from the Zeppelin era, is contested and shrouded in mystery. It is said to have occurred one debauched evening in New Orleans, Louisiana. After setting up shop in the opulent Royal Orleans Hotel in the French Quarter, the band dived headfirst into the night, discovering the city’s delights. They eventually arrived at a storied drag bar. There a group member allegedly became entangled with a drag queen, thought by some to be Whiskers. “And if you take your pick/Be careful how you choose it”. Plant sings at one point in the song, referring to the incident. “Sometimes it’s hard to feel it bite.”
Some suggest that the member was Jones, but other reports claim that it was Stephanie rather than Whiskers. The well-known story goes that after smoking a joint one evening, the two fell asleep together. It allows the backward-thinking Plant to mock his bandmate. He described the encounter with phrases like, “Man I knew went down to Louisiana / Had himself a bad. Bad fight / And when the sun peeked through / John Cameron with Suzanna / He kissed the whiskers, left and right.”
Stephen Davis told the story in his unofficial biography of Led Zeppelin, “Hammer of the Gods.”Jones, unsurprisingly, ripped it apart, claiming the author got “all the facts wrong”.
In a lengthy 2001 interview, Jones discussed ‘Royal Orleans’ and chastised Plant’s attempt to mock him before turning his attention to “idiot” Davis. “Oh, that was Robert in his usual homophobic manner,” he began. Moreover, “I’m not sure what…”You see, the only problem with that stupid book was that it got all of its facts wrong. It got all the stories backward. It wasn’t all that funny. I mean, some of the stories were hilarious, but the book reads like, ‘What a bunch of miserable bastards we are!'”
Jones also stated that “everybody knew who those [drag queens] were.” They were friends of Richard [Cole]. And yes, we were aware they were transvestites. We were friends. Her name was… Her name was Stephanie. We saw her every time we visited New Orleans. But Robert was somewhat provincial. They were not like the big city boys. They don’t like that type of thing. Richard, Jimmy, and I For goodness sake, they were band friends. “And then this idiot, Steve Davis, gets everything mixed up.”
Not content with setting the record straight, the Led Zeppelin bassist accused Davis of fabricating a story based on “stuff he didn’t know.” He also tried to deflect blame. He claimed it was “another member of the band who found himself in situations where they didn’t know it was a boy, and it certainly wasn’t me”. Unsurprisingly, he refused to give him information.
He did, however, conclude that Plant was “a little homophobic back then”. He also attributed to his singer and drummer, John Bonham, having a “sheltered upbringing as lads.” A forgettable moment for everyone involved. The bigoted nature of the lyrics is what makes ‘Royal Orleans’ the most unpopular song in Led Zeppelin history.
